3rd day of CNY
so fast is nin chor sam ady........actually not fast lah, coz everyday i keep watch the clock....feeling slow, but ady chor sam loh.....holidays finish half ady.....erm, still have 4 days need to work ady.....need to adjust my holiday mood loh...today lou gong hoi gong jor loh...hope everything fine for him.....''moo moo'' year, wish everything getting better than last year and wish me and lou gong dreams come true.....the most important thing need to wish me and lou gong more yan oi than last year, lou gong geng ga sek ngo and oi ngo....also i can more control my pei hei so that wont kek lao lou gong so as him....kekekeke.....one more thing is must learn how to be a hou lou poh.... :P~
erm...later dunno whr to go yet....maybe go tong sin zhi....but still need depends my bro plan lah.....long time din go thr, hope can go thr lah...and must go hei fuk since this year not yet go.....so now need eat breakfast loh.....hehe.....
wake up from NightMare
just wake up and had a nightmare last nite...was a scary nightmare...1st thing to do today is to delete last nite blog....the nightmare give me a clear guideline and really inspire me....i think is better not to publish the 2 blog write on last nite.....now i clearly understand what i want...a clever woman should know what should do and should not do....also should know what is the best time for doing best thing......i will be the woman behind my lou gong.....a success man must have a woman behind him to support him....all the while i support my lou gong but i think is not the correct way to support.....so from now on, i will do better....i wan be a clever woman........and also a clever wife-->Mrs Wong<-- i want my lou gong feel grateful and happy to have me beside him......love u very much ya lou gong.......
26/01/09,1.25pm.....again, fighting again....mum and dad fighting again....feeling tired for stopping them.....just now we suppose go temple for pray and having lunch there...who's noe mum n dad start fighting from home to thr, in the end, we turning bek home....i really sad for seeing them like that...every year CNY also fighting....really don't understand why they can argue for so many years...in my memory, they start fighting since i 7 years old...all because of the bull shit religious...i hate those people that influence my dad...in my memories, those people all fucker...they destroy my family....i hate them very much....for so many years, mum and dad fighting, i saw mum trying to xxxxxxx dad since i m in secondary sch...many times...i still very clear about that time the things happen even so many years ady....i feel scare....even now also feel scare, scare same things will happen when i'm not at home...scare happen again when no1 at home just left 2 of them....what can i do?? i remember that day the master ask me whether my parents have problem....i wondering master are so accurate....if yes, same thing btw me and u will happen....haiz....really dunno why being human are so difficult, so many things happen and happen again...really cant stand for it....cant stand to become human....tiring.....dream is just dream.....will not happen in the way we wish....hope everything will be fine...hope i be more tough enough to facing all this things....
Does LOVE means EVERTHING
26/01/09, 10.01am....1st day of cny, wake up early morning and call u...feeling damn miss u and was thinking how good if u were here wit me now....finally can online at home,should be happy....1st things is read ur blog...i wanna know what is in ur blog now....2 new blog after last week--end of story & one in a million--....ONE IN A MILLION....i really dunno what is my feeling now after read the blog....i remember last time when i write a blog about u, u say i write u like tat and din care ur feeling....immediate i delete it...u compare me with her....i m more bad than her....do i??barbaric....swearing....think out of box....future gf/lover....if angel appear again will cool with it....love urself......those word is in my mind now....am i upset??am i hurt??am i m ok??i dunno.....my mind is empty now....empty empty empty.....i cant think anything right now.....i should be more positive thinking....i promise myself and u that i will change....am i able to change???all the while, for the past 26 years, LOVE MEANS EVERYTHING for me.....so many times of disappointment, hurting, but i din learn to change this--love means everything--all my frens, especially darren, they feel disappointed with me....wont learn from hurting, still being stupid in love....but in my mind, IF love can be so rational, then is not true love....one of my fren, her ex say she is dating using brain and not using heart....what the point using brain in a relationship but not using heart??she tell me money is everything for her....she say i'm stupid....she ask me does love give u shelter??does love can make u full when u are hungry??rationally answer is NOT.....but RATIONAL and LOVE is 2 different things....i can be rational in many ways but not in love...for me LOVE IS BLIND....2 things appear in my mind now.....
being myself or being jessica
choose myself will definitely make both of us more unhappy, more things happen....
choose jessica will definitely make the relationship more happy but suffer myself....
i should choose let's it be....let's fate bring me to another way.....let's forget it, forget the blog...i know u will do whatever u think is right and is best for me....i choose to be jessica coz i love u.....i love u and cant live without u.....
