my saddest day in my life

my saddest day in my life--4/11/08,11.25pm

2day feel very down....i miss u a lot....i so scare of my life without u....until 2day i oni realise tat u r so important for me in my life and i can't live without u....just now when i sms u,i wan to write down a lot of HOPE...but is too long for me to list down all...i oni can list down here...i dunno whether u have chance to read my blog or not since i din tell u tat i have write blog in blogspot....but if 1 day u read this,i just wan u to noe that how much i love u...and how regret for me to dou hei wit u,reali stupid of me....

i hope u r still my guidance angel...i hope i stil be ur perfect wife...i hope u stil my super bak chi coz i m bak chi n u love me...i hope our retirement plan in sban in stil on..i hope i stil can help u clean ur mouth using tissue for the rest of my life...i hope i stil can be the 1 gic u extra on bed....i hope when u n me bcome old man and woman stil hold hand corss the road...i hope u stil die later than me...i hope i stil wil let u feel relax when be wit me...i hope 40, 50 yrs later we stil go sing k together and i stil sing the song of sammi cheng for u....i hope we stil celebrate our 1,2 3....10,20,30,50 years anniversary together...i hope half an hr later stil is our 1st anniversary...i hope 2molo stil celebrate our 1st anniversary...i hope i stil can always go ur hse and hug u sleep....i hope stil can help ur mum celebrate her bday next mth...i hope stil can celebrate our 1st christmas and the rest of my life christmas time wit u...i hope we stil waiting for our Sean ans Stephanie to get to this world....i hope u stil can see me slim down back like previous...i hope u stil cheer for me no matter i m down or hapi and i also can cheer for u....i hope we stil can WORK THINGS OUT TOGETHER HAND BY HANG AND HEART BY HEART no matter wat happen....i hope i stil can STICK wit u when the world only left 24 hrs until the last second....i hope 11/10/09 is stil the day for us to take wedding photo and we stil count down for this day to come....i hope i stil can be MRS WONG until the last breath of me....i hope i stil have chance to change all of my bad temper and u can feel it...the most most important things is----i hope EVERYTHING STIL THE SAME AND I WIL LOVE U MORE AND MORE AND SO AS U....

你到底在想什么

你到底在想什么
最 近你到底怎么了？？我真得很伤心。。我现在在哭着写blog,你又知道吗？？自从你做晚班后，我发觉我们的感情越来越淡。不是我不再爱你了，而是我觉得你 不爱我了。。我越来越觉得你不爱我了。到底你还爱不爱我？？我一点也感觉不到你是爱我的，你知道吗？？刚才我睡在床上想着我们的事，然后大人就从我背后抱 着我在唱歌给我听。我突然想到，为什么我和大人只是好朋友的关系，但他都会抱我，然而你却不抱我。为什么？？你知道我喜欢你疼我，喜欢你抱我，喜欢你亲 我。。。以前你从总会时不时抱我和亲我，还会久不久就yai yai，可是现在呢？？你已经不是以前我所认识的公公了。你不再抱我，不再亲我，不再yai yai。。你也不再迁就我，听我的话了。。就连大人也察觉到你最近很会反我，反我的话，不迁就我。。我真的觉得很辛苦。。我只想要回以前的公公。。我今天 想了很多次，到底我还应该和你继续下去吗？？每天都这样的去猜你还爱我吗，真得很累。。你能了解我的心情吗？？你又何尝去了解过呢？？上次吵架时，你说你 会改过，你有吗？？如果说你真的有改，那应该就是改到不再去疼我了。。我越来越觉得你很陌生，越来越觉得自己不了解你了，你已经不是我熟悉的那个公公 了。。我该怎么办？？我很想放手了，不是因为不爱你而放手，可是却真的不舍得。我依然深爱着你，只不过真的觉得很累，不知道你在想什么，很没安全感，也不 知道你几时会悄悄的离开我。又或者你是不是有另外一个了。我不知道。。。。我很想我们能像回以前那样，可是能吗？？你会变回以前那样疼我吗？？我们的关系 能改进吗？？

18/3/08 -累

18/3/08 - 累

最近真得觉得很累。。。。如果只是体力上的累，也许只要休息多了就会好多了。。。。可是我的累不止是体力上，还加上心灵上的累。。。。何谓心灵上的累呢？？为友情上的伤心，钱不够用，学业上的压力。。。。这都不足以让我觉得累。。。。反而是爱情让我非常累----真得很想和你一起，很喜欢你，但因为你的不够体贴，不会‘疼’我，不迁就我，而搞到吵架。。。。我知道你不善于‘疼’人，但至少也应该去学习如何‘疼’我，不是吗？？我知道自己很会吃醋和小气，但我是女生，当然会这样啊。。。。我喜欢你，我爱你，才会这样，不见得我去吃其他人的醋。。。。你明知道我要你‘疼’我，你却一点都不去‘疼’我，那算怎样？？到底要我怎么办，你才会多疼我，爱我？？现在任何事情都没心情去做。。。。哭也哭过了，真得不知道还有什么是可以做？？考试就快到了，我能收拾好心情去应付即将来临的考试吗？？我不知道。。。。你有没有想过为什么事情会搞到这样？？那是因为我觉得你对我不够好，对别人好过对我，给不到我信心，所以才会让我那么缺乏安全感。。。。也许是自卑心作怪，也或许我是个真的很需要对方给我安全感的人，所以才会希望你能多‘疼’我，爱我。。。。我真的觉得很累很累。。。。很想不再理你，不去爱你，但我可以做到吗？？我不知道。。。。

16/3/08 --心情

16/3/08 --心情
最近觉得自己的情绪很不稳定。也不知道是为了什么事而搞到那样，像刚刚才哭来。当我哭时，我很想抱抱你。。。我真得很希望你刚才在我的身边，让我能紧紧地抱着你哭。。。。是因为你吗？是为了你而哭吗？我也不知道，只知道突然很想哭而已。。。。心觉得很累很累，不知所措。。。我以为自己可以很坚强，可以不让你知道我在哭，可以不告诉你我不开心，可以就这样哭了就算，可是我却做不到。我想你抱着我，真的很想很想，所以还是忍不住告诉你了。。。。我知道当我哭时，你不会弄我开心，不善于表达，也会不知所措。可是我还是很希望你会做一些事来弄我开心，弄我笑。。。。我知道自己有时很任性，很容易吃醋，我想大方，却做不到。。。。或许你会觉得我很自私，但我还是希望你会多了解我，多疼我，多弄我开心。。我是很38，但也不是24小时都这样的。我不喜欢在爱人面前那么虚假，明明不开心，却还要假装没事。如果你是喜欢我的，是紧张我的，那你应该去了解我几时是说真，几时是说假，对吗。。。。现在真的很想很想你在我身边抱着我和疼我。。。。很想你亲亲我的额头，然后对我说：‘老婆，别哭了，我答应你会好好地去疼你，我爱你。。’

14/3/08

14/3/08
early morning wake up n get ur msg,feel so warm,hehe.....2day feel vy miss u....got ur msg last9 really make me shocked...i was thinking y u wil stil sending this kind of msg to me since we ady settle the problem......lucky u told me tat u send it on wed de,haha.....really heart attack.....erm,later is my last paper for mid term,i din study at all,feel vy scare.....gud luck to myself.....

13/3/2008

13/3/08
long time din write blog ady...2day feel vy moody....last9 lose money at genting...the money suppose use for my rental purpose,but i lose it...damn....suddenly think tat my life become worst....every week busy for assignment,mid term,presentation....get mad ady.....actually is not worst as i say lah,just feel complicated....i really dunno how to explain how complicated it is...it is a secret...secret between u n.....haiz....i dunno wat m i talking bout now....blur blur.....i feel myself is imbalance.....dunno when only i can get bek to normal......2molo is my mid term again,hopefully i can pass....but is hard,coz din study at all....wake up shirly....who can wake me up????i wan cry.........